the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are two peas in an std pod
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
