we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
