hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
