first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
