we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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