I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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