the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
