What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
