and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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