dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
