her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
