38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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