It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
