You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
