Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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