i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
