she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
