Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
