he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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