Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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