She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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