I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
