i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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