Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
