Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cockslap morals
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
