Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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