Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
