shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
