I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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