I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
