Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
