she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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