Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
