my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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