i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
