This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
