Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
