I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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