it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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