What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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