How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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