Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
