dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
50% drunk capacity currently
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
