Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
