Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
