Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
