im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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