I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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