I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just pee around me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i out mim tonsoeep
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
