In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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